Partners in Crime
by Bakuhatsu
Summary: Um... partners...doing crimes? 1st chapter changed from completely gay to completely BAKU OVERDRIVEISH. Keep in mind I wrote it before changing every thing around! So it says episode 4 buts its really the first one... Make sense?
1. Chapter 1

Partners in Crime 

Episode 4: crap ma! My shoes are on fire: The case of the overextended, underlined sentences that have an overuse of commas and triple periods that create dramatic pauses,,,…

The dame walked in, strutting her flanky dress all over the place. You got mud on your face. Big disgrace. 

"I got a job that needs your "_special_" talents…"

"could it have something to do with the pair of quotation marks inside that other pair of quotation marks?" I quickly responded, using the PI wits Ive built up over the years.

"no," she says, throwing herself on my desk and letting her crimson hair fall helplessly onto the new thesaurus I had just gotten from the bookstore across the street. You know, "Barnalby's Books and Things?" No? Anywhos:

"its about the thucking I gave you last week…"

"what?" Was all I could reply.

"choo know, thees vun." She said, referring to Ducklton, the rubber duck I had mysteriously obtained last week. You know, I had never noticed that accent before….

"whats the job?" I said, quickly changing the subject. Inconspicuously.

"I need choo to: WAKE UP! WAKE UP! Come on, Baku, I don't want to lose you!"

And of course, being a heavy sleeper, I woke up to the only thing powerful enough to wake me: a KJ slap.

"finally! Ive been yelling at you for a whole chapter!" KJ said, practically sarcastic, as the worry drained from her face and she discovered the pleasure of hitting me was greater than my safety. Typical KJ.

By now (hopefully) youre wondering, "What's KJ doing here? Wasn't she on house arrest? Why is Baku asleep? How did KJ find Baku? Why did I bother reading the other 3 chapters? Wheres my hamburger? I ordered an hour ago! Is Anna Nicole's baby's daddy really Larry Birkhead?"

**Find out all this, and more, on the 5****th**** installment of the new and improved Partners In Crime! Maybe well even get to some action!**


	2. Chapter 2

Partners in Crime Episode 2: The Case of what the hell happened???

I awoke, cradling what seemed to be my limp and lifeless body. KJ was a few feet away, in what seemed to be the same condition. _Oh the pain… _I couldn't think straight. Everything ached. There were probably several cuts and bruises but I dared not look down. If I even could. But the pain that stood out most was my neck. What was it about my body that felt so different? Was it the sudden bloodlust that was erupting inside of me? KJ's neck looked so good… That jugular vein… Those capillaries… It all looked sssooo delicious…

Then I remembered…

It was 3 o'clock at the friendly neighborhood library "Barnelby's Libraries and Things." Kuro was sitting in a far corner at a small table. Across from her was Baku, petting the drowsy Shas who lay in his lap. At the other end of the table was Bake and Ryuujin, discussing something only football players know. KJ was nearby on a "Barnelby's Computers and Things" brand computer.

"What the frick is this?" KJ cried out suddenly, causing Shas to jump and latch on to Baku's face.

"What?" everyone else seemed to exclaim at the same time.

"Someone was looking at 'Barnelby's Porn and Things' again." A vein was now pulsing in KJ's temple.

Ryuujin and Bake hurriedly dashed out of the library.

"Bakas…" Kuro said under her breath.

"What?" Baku had mistaken that for his name, not being able to hear whilst he was prying the loveable kitty off his face.

"No, I was calling them bakas, baka!" Kuro was getting a little mad.

"Oh." Baku heard correctly this time because he had just ripped the claws out of himself. He then noticed the book Kuro was reading.

"Whats with the "Barnelby's Guide to Werewolf Hunting?"

"Research." An awkward silence followed.

"Research…?" Baku was already pushing. He knew never to disturb a reading vampire. Another awkward silence. Nothing was heard but KJ's typing.

"YES! RESEARCH! GOTTA PROBLEM?" This outbreak caused Shas to again jump on to Baku's face.

"_Hmm… this could be useful…"_ Kuro took note of Baku's animal attractiveness.

"Hey Baku?" Her voice was barely audible over Baku's wild thrashing. He stopped suddenly.

"What?"

"Care for a little werewolf hunting?"

What will happen next time? Find out in another enthralling episode of: Partners In Crime!

author's note: Bake has a girlfriend, I just needed him out of the scene!


	3. Chapter 3

**Partners In Crime Episode 3: The Case of Lets Get to Some Horribly Written Action! Or Not!**

"Werewolf hunting? Isn't that dangerous? I mean, I could understand bunnie hunting, but WEREWOLVES???"

Baku was restless. Not in the way insomniacs are, but still similar. Kuro was beginning to creep him out. Time to change the subject.

"So, how's the weather?"

KJ was pissy too. "Barnelby's Pop-ups and Things" brand pop-ups kept appearing on the screen.

"Get your doctorate…delete…free money…delete…world domination…delete…NO WAIT! …I wanted that… f-ing windows"

Kuro's attention shifted from the book to KJ, and then to the pitiful Baku, whose cat just found new curtains to hang on. His face.

Kuro deeply wanted to take back her invitation, but she knew it was too late. Baku was going to come, and there was nothing she could do about it.

"_Oh god. This was the worst mistake of my life. Baku… what a reta-"_ REST OF THOUGHTS DELETED!!!

"_Who the hell gets "Barnelby's Free Crap and Things" anyways? These people must be retar-" _REST OF THOUGHTS DELETED!!!

"_Ow. This hurts."_ Thought the only person in pain. But this thought soon disappeared and was replaced by a mixture of worry, fright, and fricken kickassery!"

Kuro was deeply dissatisfied. She needed another party member. The thought of her and this imbecile in a forest together in the dark at night with weapons while werewolf hunting unnerved her.

"Hey baka, does Shas want to come also?" she notioned toward the cat who had fallen off Baku's head either out of spite or pure boredom.

"Can't. He's going to groomed today, aren't ya?" Baku looked around, but the cat was long gone at the word "groom."

"Crap. Shouldn't have said that…"

"Don't worry, I'll look for him. I'm tired go looking at 'Barnelby's Annoying Websites that Have no Information that You Need and things' all the time. Have fun you two." And with that KJ left the two partners and silently laughed for a long time.

Kuro was now panicking. She hadn't thought things through and now she was going to pay, big time.

_"Oh well, you only live once. Too bad I wont live much longer"_

"Well, what should we do first?"

"I'll get some weapons, and you find someone to write my epiphany."

**Will They Die Horrible and Painful Deaths at the Hands of Bloodthirsty Werewolves Who Want to Tear Them Limb From Limb and Drink Their Blood? Find Out Next Time On: Partners In Crime!**


End file.
